How to Get a Shy Guy?

I don't know what is going on at YouTube but I'm pretty sure their algorithm is cocking up because recently it suddenly decided to show me a number of what I can only describe as "how to get a shy guy" videos. Made by women for women (or girls actually, there's definitely a slant towards the American high schooler). Being the curious and shy chap I am I decided to have a look, you know, just to see what it was all about. Plus it's always good to know what the other side is up to ;-)



It's left me very torn. On one hand the woman who made them was pretty much spot on with what she was saying. When she was talking about "how to tell if a shy guy is into you" she was dead right about the nerves we feel, about the "playing up to the audience" trying to be funny when in a group but having trouble one on one. She was right about how we tend to be better at communicating in text than verbally. It was almost scary hearing myself described so accurately. Teenage David would have loved the girls at school to have known this information. To be fair, it's pretty useful having it out there now. On the other hand the whole tone of the videos was very close to that of those horrible "pick-up artist" videos that everyone hates. First of all there was a lot of "how to make yourself look sexy to a shy guy advice, which was just cringe-worthy and pretty obvious. Then there was just the whole idea of "Are you into shy guys?" as if we're one homogenous block of lonely blokes (boys) just waiting to be preyed upon by these women (girls).

Part of me is happy that this information is getting out there. It's always a good thing when knowledge is spread and I think its helpful if women and girls understand that not all men think and act in the same way. It's kind of good that in some small way society is moving in a way that can say men don't all have to act in the same way and be made to feel like a failure because their personality is different to that of a "real man". It's also good that there's a response to this that says that it's OK for women to take the lead and be more pro-active. I've thought for a long time that in this day and age it's ridiculous that society still expects the man to always make the first move. Surely in an egalitarian society this shouldn't even need to be thought about but it's still a thing. A few years ago one of the most thoughtful, intelligent and outspokenly feminist women I know asked publicly on Facebook if it was OK for her to approach a man and ask him on a date. There was no irony, it was a completely honest and open question. She was worried she might be seen as being too forward. I wanted to shout from the rooftops that of course it was OK. Not only should it be completely acceptable in the 21st century but its a massive compliment to the man. Only a complete dick would think being asked out by a woman was in some way threatening surely?

In fact, I could arguably suggest that doing it this way around is better. I'm pretty sure it would be safer. Instead of having predatory men on the prowl for women you'd have women approaching the men they find attractive without having to bat away unwanted attention. I don't know, it just seems like a sensible way to organise things to me.

Another part of me though, just can't help wondering if these videos are in some way discriminatory. I always use the rule of thumb of replacing the adjective with the word "black" to see if something might be. If these videos were called "How to get a black guy" they would be massively racist. So is this a problem? Do I like or dislike being put into this identifiable minority? I honestly don't know. How would I react if I found out that I'd ended up in a relationship with someone who had picked me up after watching a How to Get a Shy Guy video and had learned how my brain worked? I'd like to think I wouldn't care, perhaps I'd even be thankful but I can't help thinking that perhaps I'd feel a little bit belittled.


As usual please feel free to comment. I'm intrigued to know what you think of this. Just in case you're interested, here is a link to the first video that popped up in my suggested list: